Open letter to nosy busybodies who should get a life.....seriously!

 To whom it may concern:

Good morning! I'm irritated this morning. I don't like being irritated! It isn't like I don't question myself enough...

Do I do enough for my kids?

Am I a good enough mother?

 How can I possibly keep up with all of these "wonderful" parents who do no wrong?

 I mean, I am here for my kids, every single day of their lives, I have been with them almost every moment since their births. Except God forbid the few moments I have grabbed for myself, which probably adds up to a few hours of my children's entire lives.

 I take my children to multiple appointments, argue with doctors and school staff, open my home to people I normally wouldn't, I make enemies, and lifelong friends.  I have logged in hours and hours of driving, spent thousands of dollars in gas. I cuddle on the couch, watch "Thomas the Tank Engine" and multiple Super-Hero and Transformer movies. I worry, I cry, I pray!  I don't do these things because I "have" to, I do them because I love my kids, because I want the best for them.  Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But, I am sure I could do a lot worse. 

So....here is my advice to you, and you know exactly who you are. Instead of speculating and talking about me behind my back, why not come and live my life for a few days. You are more than welcome to see if you can do a better job! I don't mean to sound petty, but I am really tired of opinions, and the fact that you are brave enough to talk to others, but you won't dare say what you think, to me. That says it all, I guess!

 So you just keep talking, and I'll keep on doing what I do!  I'll keep loving my kids, and I'll keep being me.Know that in the long run of things, you are just a small glitch in my very large life! You could never handle half of what I have endured, or do what I do on a daily basis. That is why God gave "me" my children, and that's why he didn't give them to a petty, small minded person, such as you! 

Sincerely,

The mother who loves her kids more than the world, and who obviously isn't up to your standards, but who could really care less about you and your petty small town standards, narrow mind, and big mouth!!

Dreams....

I'm having such a hard time navigating my new world. I don't know why.... so much has happened in the past few weeks though. Health scares with the children being my main concern.

Maybe I'm finally getting old, but I catch myself reflecting on the past. I even dream about it, vivid, realistic dreams. Dreams where I am there, where I can smell the scents of my childhood. Wood smoke, honeysuckles, and sunshine. Yes, sunshine has a smell when you are a child.

In my dreams I talk to people who are no longer with us. I play again with my grandfather, sit at my grandmothers feet as she watches her daily "soaps". I eat hard candy and I smile, and I laugh.

I really miss that. I miss those days of no worries. I miss playing outside until dusk, then going in to watch my favorite television show with my sister. I miss the friends I had, I miss the comfort of feeling completely safe, of  knowing that no one would dare harm me, as I lay in my shared bed, and played silly games with my sister. I miss feeling that people are good, that the world is actually a good place, where super-heroes are real, and princes exist.

My grandfather's have been dead for years. Both of my grandmothers passed away a few years ago. I have moments when I miss them, I long for them so bad,  it is like a knife to my chest. I don't know what brings on these moments, but I still have them.

I absolutely believe in heaven. I believe that heaven for me will be my childhood. On my grandfathers lap, eating watermelon, as he listens to Elvis, and sings to me. Where I am the only girl in the world that matters, and everyone loves me.

 In heaven I will run through the grass, and roll down the hill, and I will truly laugh again, I'll finally be happy again. Everyone will be healthy, my babies will be there, I'll play with them in the creek, and my grandparents will be so thrilled with his great-grandchildren.

I see heaven as one long summer day. Everyone I love will be there, and there will be no hate, no hurt, and no reason to cry!

That is my vision of heaven.