Friday, January 4, 2013

Going to court

So today was absolutely insane. It started out as a typical day, getting up after a few hours of sleep tossing and turning. Getting my smiling whining children out of bed, and onto the bus. Making what seems likes hundreds of phone calls for appointments. Dental, vision, and orthopedic. Then I had to go to court. I honestly didn't know if I would blog about this or not, but I promised I would blog about my life, and today court was my life.

I have decided what I want to do when I grow up, or when I finish up my next degree, whatever comes first. (Sorry for the change of subject, blame it on my ADD, but it all comes back to my day in court)....

 I plan on doing some sort of degree in Social Work, or Human Services. I would really like to work with victims of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is something no one really wants to talk about, especially me, but someone has to talk about it. So let me bore you with some statistics from Domestic Violence

  • Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
  • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women
  • Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually
  • Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.
  • Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends
You know this sort of thing can be so subtle.  First it is someone trying to control you, closing the joint accounts, saying you are not good with money, then refusing to give you money for groceries or bills. Then it is the anger...tantrums over the silliest things, throwing things, holes in the wall, things get broke. Then it escalates to worse things...until you are finally in a situation where you think this is it, I'm going to either be really hurt, or I could actually become a statistic.

Wow can't believe I wrote that, but I did. Maybe it will help someone. It is really hard to stand up and face people who make you feel like you are not a victim. Who make you feel like you weren't "injured" enough, or it was your fault, you did something wrong.

Well, no one deserves to be treated that way. No one knows what really goes on in your life, in your house. No one knows about the times you have picked up the phone to call the police, and you hang up because you don't want to deal with the questions and the strange looks. You don't want the neighbors to think you are "that woman" the one who fights with her husband and who has to call the police over because "something just isn't right in that house",  and "she is probably making it up anyway, he is such a nice guy."  Or maybe you pick up the phone and once again he yanks it out of the wall, and he grabs, and he pushes, and you just don't want to deal with it anymore, you just go on up to your room and close the door, take a pill, go to sleep.

I do hope that eventually you will realize what a dangerous game it is. I hope that you look at your children and see the damage that is slowly being done. I hope you see the fear in their eyes and realize that it isn't worth it. Who cares what anyone thinks, who cares about lawyers, and judges, and law enforcement officers. The truth is...the children are important, your life is important.

It is a hard thing to do, being alone isn't fun, but sometimes it is safer to be alone. I stood in court and told my story. I was cross examined, lies were told, but I wasn't the one who told them, and I almost cried, but I didn't. The truth won today, and for that I am thankful!

So, that is pretty much my story about going to court. It's not everything, because I don't really think random strangers need to know everything, or need to have details.

 This wasn't easy for me to write, knowing a lot of people will see this. They may judge me...but I don't care. Secrets are never secret in small towns and usually they become worse with each telling anyway.

So I wrote it, and I hope it helps someone!

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