The "regretful" post!

Well today was a rather boring day, I didn't do half of what I was supposed to, but I did get my house clean cleaner. I also had my hair trimmed and enjoyed getting a manicure. Today was a lazy day, but I am glad I took some time for myself, I deserve it, and I have court tomorrow with the ex. 

Since I can't think of anything awesome to write tonight I think I will use a prompt that I got from Creativity Portal. So here I go,  I click a button and my prompt is.......

"I regret....."

Well, that is a good one, here goes! 

• I regret many things, I regret the fact that I was such a cry-baby in first grade (I really do regret that).

•  I regret that I didn't pay more attention to that really cute guy my freshman year in high school, the first boy I ever danced with, the first boy I ever ignored because I was more worried about what my friends would think than about what I really wanted to do, the first boy who broke my heart by finally ignoring me and getting another girlfriend, I deserved that.  

• I regret the times I should have stood up for myself and I didn't.

•  I regret not studying harder in high school.

•  I regret not kissing a boy who I had a major crush on when I was 15, the chance presented itself and I was to shy and so was he. I honestly couldn't forget that boy for years. 

• I regret making some poor decisions my senior year of high school that caused a lot of people a lot of heartache.

•  I regret not being a better mother to my oldest son, it was hard, I was still very much a child myself.

•  I regret always thinking that I needed to be in a relationship, wasting my time on the wrong people, and not paying enough attention to the right ones. 

• I regret that I couldn't do more to save my babies, I saw all the right doctors, did everything they said,  but it was never enough.

•  I regret the helplessness I felt holding my son in my arms after he was removed from life support, that I felt like I was allowing my child to die.  As I watched him struggle to breath his last breath every thing in me was yelling, stop this, breathe for him, do something. But, all I could do was look in his eyes until there was no life left, and he was gone. I was left with nightmares and the "what ifs". I was left with the thought that I didn't hold him close enough, or kiss him enough, that first and last time I held him. Did he even know who I was?

• I regret that I am 36 years old and sometimes I still feel as silly as that freshman, worried about what everyone thinks. I am still shy, I still don't always stand up for myself, and sometimes I don't apply myself like I should. I still waste my time on the wrong people (a lot).  I still wonder if I did enough for my son as he died in my arms. I have a lot of regrets. They make me cry.  

• I regret that my prompt was "I regret".... now I am regretfully depressed!